I'm "Being open with others." Go me.

I'm not one for watching romantic shows or movies and crying over them or anything, but I would say that I do appreciate when I see someone that genuinely has a deep love for their significant other.
A few things I love to see is an old couple holding hands as they go for a walk, a man opening a door for a lady, a man walking on the sidewalk closest to the curb, a man that has true manners and takes care of ladies.
Because I was told that sharing my thoughts and feelings in some way will help, this is where I choose to begin. I will start to open up and share. Nobody reads this anyways...
I will never again be with someone that doesn't have respect for a woman or treats her harshly.
I once dated a guy that put me through the roughest times of my life. He was an asshole to put it nicely. I made myself vulnerable to this I think when I gave him too much of me too fast. (not sexually if you're wondering) I was young and had never had a boyfriend before. I didn't tell my parents that I was even dating him because I was too scared that they would ask questions about our relationship. He had money and a future all laid out for him by his father and they gave him anything he wanted. He used this to his advantage. I was too scared to stand up for myself and to tell him what I thought. He was always near me or waiting for me to come out of class or waiting at my apartment. He told me what to wear and how to wear it. What to eat and how to eat it. Where to be and when to be there. Basically, he controlled everything about me. This lead me down a hug spiral. It opened me up to eating disorders, huge amounts of self esteem issues and self destructive tendencies. There is so much more to this story and it still continues today. I am affected by it everyday. It consumes my thoughts and actions.  I choose to not tell others about it. I choose mostly to hold it in hoping that one day it will go away.
Mostly I really want the strength to confront it and conquer it and to help others someday as well. But I am so scared to open myself up to the healing process because it will change everything.
I appreciate help and support from the people that care about me. I hate that I might have hurt anyone else. I feel I've shared a lot. There is a lot more but it takes time.